Sliding Into the Rabbit Hole

 So...I decided to open steam today and looked at my programs...heartwrench again...ALL the files and map assets I downloaded in order to make castles, towers, maps in my dungeon painter studio...and yes also dungeons if I want...all gone...I have to find out of I can fix my laptop but I dunno when you barely have enough money to pay your bills and buy groceries nevermind anything extra you may WANT but don't necessarily need.... It's is just breaking my heart again. It IS important. To ME if not anybody else...and whether the world sees it or not it feeds my soul... Just breathe...tomorrow is new day to try again If you can find the heart.  

  Ok. I don't usually want to talk about this because for me it is HEART WRENCHING!!!!  But here it is...I had a cheaper laptop (for a year)...now it just won't work. I got my old laptop back from Gibby, mostly because I'm addicted to xanje but whatever   I am using it but every time I want to do something other than xanje or for my odsp papers I have to add stuff, search for stuff etc  It takes me hours of headaches and stress!! Then, I find ALL the umpteen million things that are GONE. Some are saved on thumb drives but I searched through them today and a lot of it is pre-2025 so I DIDN'T save the most recent stuff....and every time I go through it I am crushed because there is so many years of work I have saved, list and reworked at least 3 times....it's really no wonder I have been on a long hiatus and have internally just given up!!!! Life sucks and then you die!!! ( My usual mindset) It's hard to change it.  Does anybody (ME) even want to try? Not tod...